Apr
14
2004
I was browsing for an old email today in my archives, and I came across something that I had forgotten about, but it gave me a chuckle so I thought I would share it.
Back in January of 2003, a good friends wife attempted to set me up with a friend of hers from work. We exchanged a few emails, and in one of them, she asked me what kind of music I was into. She jokingly asked if I was into 80s rock or something. Below is my response, and our correspondence afterwards.
Subject: Megadeth Monthly Newsletter Subscription RenewalThis email is to remind you that we have not received your renewal for your subscription to the monthly newsletter, "Megadeth: The Edge." As you already know, MET is the exclusive choice for information on your favorite band. If you get your payment in by Jan. 31st, you won't miss what we have planned for the March issue, with topics that are hard hitting and interviews that ask the questions you really want asked.
Just check out these topics:
Is Megadeth really the band the Pope turns to let off steam? WE FIND OUT!!
How are early 90's hard core rockers dealing with their addiction to Megadeth in the days of Britney Spears? WE FIND OUT!!
Do tight acid wash jeans really make you a better lover? Megadeth says YES!!
For only pennies a day you could be enjoying your favorite band coming to your mailbox every month. Don’t miss out!
ROCK ON!!
Dear Sir or Madam,In response to your renewal reminder, I would like to remind you that I have asked you repeatedly to end my subscription to "Megadeth: The Edge".
I, like so many others, received the call from the eighties, asking for their music back. In addition, I would also like to terminate my subscription to "WWF: Can You Smell What The Rock's Cooking?" and "Jesus Loves Me, This I Know". However, I would like to continue receiving "How To Make Your Own Low-Budget Adult Films", as I am thinking of going into the business for myself. I appreciate your co-operation and would like to commend you on your selection of fine reading. Thank you.
We at Hard-Line Selective Press regret to hear that you wish you to cancel your subscriptions to three of our hottest sellers. I will personally make sure that your requests for cancellation are put into place, and that it never happens again.
I'm glad to see you have chosen to continue with your receipt of "How To Make Your Own Low-Budget Adult Films", because as editor in chief it brings a certain personal satisfaction when people enjoy it. If you have certain topic that has not been covered in our magazine, feel free to suggest something.
Thank you again from Hard-Line Selective Press!
"We print the magazines no one else wants to!"
Debut issue next month: "Road Kill: Its not just for breakfast anymore - 101 Red Neck recipes."
Dear Hard-Line Selective Press,
Thank you for being so responsive to my cancellation. I appreciate that your magazine takes such an interest in the needs of it's readers. It is a pleasure to be able to provide you with some suggestions for your future printing opportunities.
I believe that you should publish a variety of pieces, that are crucial to life in today's society. For example, I think your readers could benefit with such articles as "Why Drugs are Good" or "It's Not Because You Eat Too Much That No One Likes You, It's Because You're Fat". Or perhaps you could tackle some gender specific issues like, "Excessive Drinking: It's Makes You Kind Of Slutty, But That's Okay". Equally important, should be a weekly special perhaps highlighting the ever demanding "How To Become Popular in Prison".
There are so many journalistic opportunities available to a magazine of your calibre. I wish you the best of luck. Please let me know, if I can provide you with any further assistance.
Too bad it didn't work out; she had quite a sense of humour.